🅶🆁🅸🅴🅵 🆂🅴🆁🅸🅴🆂

Dada's Little Girl

Dear Dada, 

Everyday seems tougher without you.

Everything will always revolve around you.

No other pain seems anywhere close to what we are feeling when you left us. 

No smile is warmer than yours Dada.

When people talk about you, 

we know how much of an 

impact you have left in their minds.

And that is what keeps us going.

We now talk about you, 

without tearing up like before. 

We want to talk about you, everyday. 

We want to celebrate you, just 

how you are supposed to be celebrated. 

Every family member remembers you as the most wonderful human being ever. 

If any of us could be anywhere 

close to what you were, 

we'd consider ourselves lucky. 

I hope you're in a better place today. 

I really wish you're. Because 

you deserve nothing less, my angel. 

I hope you're looking down

 at all of us dear Dada. 

Love you Dada. 

Chandini - The Moon Child

Oh dear child, let that smile never fade away.

May that innocence in your eyes stay the same.

Smile away my child, because now you're far away from the cruel world.

You're far away from the clutches of the hungry wolf.

You're far far away, in a world of peace and happiness, away from all the pain and tears.

 

The kidnapping & murder of 5 year old Chandini has sent shockwaves all across India. The daughter of migrant labourers from Bihar, Chandini was kidnapped by another migrant labourer from Assam. After a missing complaint was filed, an unsuccessful search was launched. However, unfortunately her bruised and lifeless body was found a day later, in a sack. 

This opens so many questions. This unlocks so many fears. From the easy at which drugs are available today to why there was no proper search earlier to will girls ever be safe in our country, the questions pile up one after the other. 

Not at home or outside, girls aren't safe anywhere in this cruel world. Maybe that's why many people prefer having boys over girls. Now it all makes sense.

Happy Birthday Dada

Happy Birthday Dada. 

This is the second birthday of yours we're celebrating without you by our side. I wish and hope you're celebrating with your favourite drink in hand and a big warm smile on your face. 

You were always working so hard. Working day and night, to take care of us. You never stopped to take a minute for yourself. You always had us on your mind. But I guess that's why maybe the universe took you away from us. To give you the break you deserve. To give you that rest you've missed out all these years. It is really hard without you. I try to shut down the thoughts, because I still can't think about you without shedding a tear. But I know I can never forget you. Sometimes I feel scared thinking about what if I stop thinking about you or what if I forget you. Because that's the worse thing I could ever do. I'd rather die that forget you or the memories you've created and left behind for us. 

I have so many regrets Dada. Most importantly, I regret not telling you that I love you enough. I regret not writing you that letter before I left to Qatar. I regret not hugging you enough. I regret not laying on your lap enough. I regret fighting with you. I regret hurting you so much. But I really hope you know how much I love you. 

Nobody can ever be as good as you Dada. Nobody. And nobody will ever replace you, ever. It's always been you. My superhero. And I miss you so much, today, tomorrow and every day till my memory lasts. 

There's so much I want to write, but my thoughts are super scattered. I just hope you know what all is in my head.

I love you so much Dada❤️

Grief - From the Other Side

Have you lost someone close to you? Are you someone who's been trying to deal with this thing called grief? Have you been finding it really hard to understand how it works? Are you feeling tired and lost? And most importantly, do you feel lonely, even though you're surrounded by people, who are trying to comfort you? 

Well, come join the gang!! 

Grief - Forever in loving memory 

Ah Grief, the one thing that people want to talk about but don't know how to talk about. The hard reality. 

So if you've been reading my blog and have been following the last couple of blogs, you'd be knowing about my Dada and how we lost him and how it's difficult for us as a family to deal with it. It's been a year and 2 months, but you know what? It never gets easy. It never really does. 

Most of us might have experienced this extreme pain of loss, an irreplaceable loss of a loved one and it's really hard to cope with it. We often have our family and friends trying to comfort us while we go through this grief, but it's not always going the way we want it to, right? I mean sometimes the words of comfort comes across like a blow right to your face. Have you felt that too? 

Whose fault is it? 

It's really nobody's fault. But it's the lack of understanding of how to deal with such situations and what is the right thing to say. Unfortunately, most of the times, it's only when we personally go through a loss, do we actually realize what's the right thing to tell a person who's grieving.

Let me tell you an example. 

After I learnt about the loss of my Dada and came home to Kerala (the funeral is supposed to happen the next day). I'm sitting and home, in a deep dark corner and bawling my eyes out, because the pain is unbearable. I'm lost, I don't know what to do without him, I don't know how I'll survive without him and all these beautiful memories of him flashing in front of my eyes. And suddenly, a neighbor walks upto me and says "Ohh you're crying?" And my first thought is "Huh? You do realize I just lost my father, what else am I supposed to do?" , But then to be nice, I don't say a word, just look up at her and look back to the empty space. There's an eerie silence for a bit and then she goes "so where was the cancer?". In a very weak voice I answer "lungs". And without a blink of the eye she immediately says "Hm if it's the lungs, it's pretty hard to survive. They pass away too quickly". And at this minute, my eyes are literally popping out in shock, because I can't believe this is her trying to comfort me. I still don't say anything and she continues to tell me about a distance relative of hers who had the same type of cancer and did not survive and she's going on and on and on. And all I can think in my head is "It's not the fucking same thing you fucking lady. You don't know how it's because you've not been in my shoes. How is some distance relative passing away the same as my father, my solace, passing away? And how can you even have the audacity to sit and say all these things to me??" But I still don't say anything because I'm trying to be nice. But I'm dying inside. 

To this date, this incident triggers me so much. So much anger and sadness and what not. But it also made me think about a thing. It made me think about how not everyone knows a thing or two about comforting a grieving person. Sometimes people end up saying the wrong kind of things, without realising how much pain you're putting the other person in. 

On the contrary I still remember a cousin of mine, who came to the funeral, she hugged me and said something that made me feel so much better. She said to me "see Thush, you don't have to be strong. You let it all out, let out all of the pain". And for some reason it felt so comforting to hear that and cry my heart out, because it was paining so much, and I needed a good cry. 

As a matter of fact, even I would probably have said something stupid to a person grieving, but today, I know I mean it if I say to you "I know how that loss feels for you". Because I truly do. That's how complicated we humans are. We need for something like this to happen to us personally, for us to really understand how another person must be feeling. I'm no expert. I'm definitely no professional. But I know, many are hurting. Have been hurting for years and it'll continue to hurt for eternity. So through a series titled 'Grief - from the other side' we'll talk about what we could possibly do to help someone grieving.

Dada's little girl.

Life doesn't always come with manuals or warnings. And because of that you're often left to face shocking incidents. It makes you think so much. So many questions run in your head. One such thought in my head will always be 'only if i had known'. 

Had I known this would have been the last time I see my Dada. Had I only known that this would be the last photo I take with him. Had I known that he wouldn't be there when I return home the next time... Only if. I'd have done things a different way. I'd have hugged him tighter. I'd have told him how much I love him. I'd have given him a million kisses. I'd probably never have left his side. Only if..

But that's what life is all about I guess. It never warns you about what it's going to throw at you - whether it's a lemon or a bomb. It just throws it. And you get to know about it when it falls on you. Until then you'll never know if you've to make a lemonade or just be burst into little pieces. That's life. It sucks. But what sucks the most is us not giving our loved one's enough love. Us not telling them enough how much we love them. Us not spending enough time with them. And then later regretting all of this, and at a point when you know there's no going back. 

So don't wait till you fall into that regret. Do it right now. Do it every day. Do it as much as you can. Tell your loved one's how much they mean to you. Tell them how much you love them. Tell them how much you care for them. Tell them. Just do it. Because you may never get a chance to, later. 

Dada's little girl.

What is grief?

Recently I happened to see a video about grief. A clinical psychologist was explaining what exactly grief is and how it works, in a very interesting manner. She said that grief never becomes less or never really goes away, instead we start to create newer experiences and memories around it. It made so much sense. 

However what never makes sense is why it had to happen. As the date is nearing. That fateful day when we lost my Dada and the days before that. It all has been hitting us so much in the last few weeks. And each of us is trying to understand what this loss has done to us. Some have found answers while some are still searching for their answers. Only thing we've come to terms with together is how much we miss him. My father was hands down the best human being I've ever known in my life. He was the epitome of kindness. The most practical person I know. And the most loving father. The best son. An awesome husband. The most fun brother. Every role he's ever donned in his life, he's done it with perfection. He was a true example of a genuinely loving human being. 

So as we all prepare together for the date, the one year anniversary of him going away from us, we all realise that the grief is a real bitch. Grief can take you to the lowest point in life. But it also makes you realise how much a person made an impact in your life, an impact that nobody can ever replace. 

And most importantly how much we love this person. 

Dear Dada,

Not a day goes by without us thinking about you. There's so much to tell you Dada. I'll see you soon on the other side. I love you so much my Dada❤️