Dada's little girl.

Christmas 2021🎄

December is undoubtedly my most favorite month. The month brings so much joy, celebration & togetherness. I remember how we prepare for Christmas at home. By the end of November we all get super excited and bring out all the lights, the tree, crib, star and all the Christmas decorations stacked up the shelf to prepare for our little but beautiful Christmas. I guess thats the spirit of Christmas in itself - bringing so much joy and laughter amongst us. And most importantly bringing us all together with so much love. 

However, this year and probably the years to come won't be the same. Last December, yep, December 2021 was the last time we 4 celebrated Christmas as a family. Had we known it'll be the last, I guess we'd have done a bit more. 

Dada, Mamma, Kichu (my brother) & I, sat across the table to share a hearty meal and happiness. We were also joined by a dear friend Ben ( who you can spot in the above picture).

Dada had already been diagnosed by then and his Chemotherapy was ongoing. Being on the 6th month since his diagnosis and n number of chemo's later, he had lost a lot of weight and appetite. 

So food was the least of his concerns. However that day he said something different - he said "Can we eat something colourful for Christmas this year?". 

'Duh, obviously Dada, we just want you to eat something atleast ' is what I'm sure ran in everyone's head. Especially for a person who's generally not fussy or choosy about food, Dada asking for something like that was rare. 

So we decided to cook something different this time. We all put our heads in together and ditched the traditional 'Appam, Stew, Rice, Fish Curry' etc. and instead decided to cook up some yummy Salad, Basil Rice, Butter garlic Prawn, Chicken & Fried Fish. 

Dada was super mesmerized & ate happily. Our mission was accomplished.

However, the happiness did not last long as he got even more sick afterwards and we lost him less than 2 months later. 

But, my Dada was a fighter. He fought like a warrior. He always was hopeful, gave us a lot of hope. He was a man of very few words, but he could speak a million words with his actions and his silence.

This year I was dreading the month of celebration. And as Christmas celebrations come to an end around the globe, I was remembering our last Christmas. His last Christmas with us. 

No Christmas will ever be the same again Dada, without you. 

Years may pass, celebrations may continue. But it'll never be the same. 

Dada's little girl.

Dada.

It's not a mere word. It's an emotion. It's a feeling. It's the most soothing and loving word ever. Just like the person my Dada is.

I still find it hard to use past tense for you, because I know you're around. I feel you. I feel your presence. And I know you'll not let me do this all alone. 

Dada and I always shared a special bond. The most practical one in the family, Dada always put his family in front of him and his needs. A hardworker, so genuine and the most loving human being I've ever had in my life. 

You passing away, not only shook my entire universe, but it also changed my life forever. It will never be the same, ever again. 

I still cannot look at photos of you or talk about you without tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, and I know it's always going to be that way. That's how much you mean to me. 

I have been wanting to write about him or write to him for so long but wasn't sure if I'll be able to do it. But I've finally decided that I should. And so, through this series titled "Dada's Little Girl" I intend to write a compilation of letters, anecdotes and journals to and about my Dada.